As a boy growing up in a Christian home, being taught to trust in God and believe that God has a plan for my life, I often wondered why I only experienced what I knew to be my true identity as I lay in bed every night. My mind would be racing with passionate dreams and exciting possibilities for what I could potentially do one day. I would constantly convince myself that in the morning I would take steps toward those dreams, but at the end of everyday I would be in the same spot I was that morning. This would be a constant battle within myself for a long time, and it still is to some extent. I would look at myself and examine my mind in search of my true identity and wonder why it was so hard for me to just take one small step toward my dreams.
From a young age I was a very creative and artsy boy. I would make little inventions out of trash around the house, draw cartoon characters that I saw on tv, and learn to play piano and then eventually move onto drums. So I had a lot of different ideas of what I could do when I was a big boy. As time went on I slowly began to lose interest in my creative personality. This eventually led to me being almost completely not myself by middle school. I was frequently asked by my parents and other family if I was still doing my creative things, I would just reply "Not really" and leave it at that. I knew that those things were a part of me, but I had a deep almost subconscious fear of what people would think of me. Even going to a small Christian school I had conformed to my peers. I had adopted the best false sense of identity to insure that I would not be the black sheep. It wasn't a product of anything or anyone, but of myself not knowing or understanding who I was in God's eyes. By high school I finally realized what I was becoming; a fake. It was so real to me what was happening, but it felt like I had realized too late. I was already this fake person to so many people, and I had let myself believe this is who I was for so long. I knew how much it would hurt to rip off layers and layers of masks that I had plastered on my face for years, so I inhabited this state of mind where I would fit in during my days going to school, playing sports, and hanging out with friends. Then when I laid down to sleep every night I would fall asleep dreaming of what it would be like to live with my true identity instead of the other me. I would sometimes start to rip off layers of my masks in art class, but then I would pretend like It wasn't me so my peers would think nothing of me and not take notice of me. I started taking drum lessons (after being forced to takes piano for 4 years) which was a step for me, but I would constantly go in and out of being confident as a musician because I was afraid of not fitting in.
Writing this, I sound overly dramatic and cheesy, but I don't think we as humans, and especially Christians, fully understand how important taking hold of our own identity is. It wasn't until the beginning of my senior year in high school that I was taking hold of my identity fully. It was great to finally know who I was and know that it was who I was created to be.
After analyzing these years for quite some time, and with much biblical application, I believe that the identity problem we see in society in the young and the old, is lack of fellowship with our Creator. How can we know who we are if we are not spending time with God, our Creator. God is constantly speaking to us and guiding us through life, there is no way for us to hear Him and see where He is guiding us if we have not gotten to know Him. Like any relationship, it involves at least two people who care for each other in some way, but it isn't one sided. Both people in the relationship must be actively making an effort to get to know each other. The same goes for us with God! We can't expect to cry out to Him asking, "What do you want me to do?" And have Him give you insight that you understand. You don't know Him. If you haven't spent time with Him you won't know his voice and you won't know how He communicates to you. It's impossible if you haven't been actively and constantly giving your time to Him and getting to know Him.
For If we are in fact made in God's image then that makes us all mini creators ourselves. I think we are all called to create something in some way, shape, or form. Wether it be creating paintings, music, websites, loving communities, companies, jobs, or even family. Only us as individuals know what that is exactly. I always say that it doesn't really matter what you do, it matters why you are doing it. Why you do it should be because of who your Heavenly Father has told you you are, and the only way of knowing WHY is by knowing HIM.