Finding Your Identity

We’ve all heard people, at least Christians, say that singleness is a gift, but for those who are single it can at times feel more like a burden. Why is that so? I think for starters, society tells us that there’s something wrong with you if you’ve never been in a relationship, and we hear it from people all around us. Family members that ask if you’ve met anyone new or friends wondering if anyone’s caught your eye recently. We are constantly bombarded by all these things that make those of us who are single feel like if we just had a boyfriend/girlfriend life would be so much easier. That right there is a lie that the enemy wants us to believe, and it works, because so many, myself included, have fallen into that trap. If we don’t fall for that trick we fall for the one that says being in a relationship will make you happier. Yes, being in a relationship does bring joy, but it’s not able to completely fulfill the happiness we seek.

You see, every relationship on this earth will never satisfy and complete us because we are all finite and imperfect.

Let me take a moment and talk to the girls. In the beginning when God made Eve it says that He put Adam to sleep, and took one of his ribs and made her. From the very beginning Eve’s first relationship was with God. While Adam was sleeping she found her identity in God first. It was the same for Adam. Before Eve, it was just him and God.

So, they both had to first find their identity in God before He brought Eve to Adam, and they became man and wife.

A lot of times I hear people talk about qualities and characteristics they want in their future spouse, and we tend to have some pretty high standards, which is definitely not a bad thing because I don’t believe that anyone should settle, but we tend to focus so much on what we want in this other person, that we neglect ourselves.

We all have an ideal. But if we met that perfect person, would he/(she) feel the same? Instead of spending our time seeking the “right one,” we should fix our eyes on Jesus so we can be the right one for the great guy/(gal) God has picked out for us. We need to be concerned about our relationship with Jesus before a relationship with anyone else.
— Perry Noble

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately because I have a list of qualities that I pray for my future husband to have. I look at that list and think wow those are some pretty high standards, and then I realize that if I want all these things in a guy I wouldn’t want him to expect any less from me, and I wouldn’t want to give him any less. Perry Noble said, "We all have an ideal. But if we met that perfect person, would he/(she) feel the same? Instead of spending our time seeking the “right one,” we should fix our eyes on Jesus so we can be the right one for the great guy/(gal) God has picked out for us. We need to be concerned about our relationship with Jesus before a relationship with anyone else."

To sum it up, singleness can most definitely be a gift. It gives us a chance to not be defined by a relationship, but to take the time we have being single to fall in love with our Creator, and to find our identity in who He says we are. It's a chance to begin to see ourselves through His eyes, and become the right person for the person He has chosen for us.

So as I journey on in the land of singleness I have decided to grow in my relationship with God finding who I am in Him, not some guy that may or may not like me or anything else in this world that might possibly lead me away from God. My hope is for anyone out there who is single and feels like they are "forever alone" to not worry, but trust in God because He really does have perfect timing. I know easier said than done, but God is the one who places desires inside of us, and if our desire is for a relationship that is good and pleasing to God then He will give that to you.

To end I just wanted to leave you with a few questions I borrowed from a sermon by Perry Noble http://newspring.cc/series/eveandadam/. They are 5 questions every single girl (or guy) should be asking. Take time to examine where you're at and maybe some of the reasons you desire a relationship. Basically, is it for the right or wrong reasons? If you feel like you're in the place where you're ready to be in a relationship, then just keep on praying and seeking God because He will bring the right person at the right time as long as we continually seek him.

  1. Am I Who He/She Is Looking For?
  2. Am I Desperate?
  3. Why Am I Attracted to Him/Her?
  4. Are There “Issues” With Him/Her That I’m Avoiding
  5. Is He/She God’s Best?